Fat Cats took the Oregon Trail. Swinging Tails traveled the Tailsville Trail. You're not a "Fat Cat" are you?
|Tailsville Trail Map||Western Legends||Introduction by Hugo Pug||Chapter Titles|
"A Four Paws Up Story"
There is a new scent to the “Old Wild West.” Ford Beagle’s Tailsville Trail is an amusing look at how the “Old Wild West” was settled and tamed. What you thought you might have known about the settlement of the “Old West” is about to seriously come into question.
In my opinion, Ford Beagle wasted his time writing this book. Rather than spending time chasing his tail writing this tale he would have been better off writing the true story of my life and times. He could have titled it How Hugo Pug Changed the World. But no, Ford had to include every two-bit player to set his or her paw along the Tailsville Trail. I think you’ll agree with me after you read this tale, this was practically a wasted effort. Personally, I think his opinion was seriously swayed by his affection towards “Uncle Dick” Whippet and his mind was most certainly buzzed by the almost toxic odor of “Uncle Dick’s Tongo Wongo Miracle Tonic.
Nevertheless, you’ll learn about a bunch of tails that never set paw in one of my many Hugo-Marts. I’m certain that our crack security department would have run the likes of Black Bart Beagle, Billy “The Pup” Harrier, Jail Jackshund, Doc Hound, “Big Nose” Kate Kuvasz, Durango Dachshund, Duke Dalmatian, Hastings Hound, Clint Chow, Sooner Samoyed, Johnnie Cocker Spaniel, Ike and Billy Chihuahua, Tom and Frank Malchi, Johnny Rottweiler, Frank Stagehound, James Butler “Wild Bill, Harrier, Swearengen Schipperke, Calamity Jackshund, McCall “Crooked Nose” Mutt, Hedley Lab’Aire and a few I might have missed along the tale to list here right out of the store.
Another disturbing item about this “almost” pack of lies is Ford’s attempt to link me directly with stealing the capital of the Dakota Territory from the good tails of Yankton and moving it to Bismarck. While I know I’m a visionary, I did not know at the time that my close personal friend, Governor Nehemiah George Otterhound was going to sneak out of Yankton and that just a few short years later the new state of South Dakota would build their new capitol on land I owned in Pierre.
Furthermore, Ford gives credit to a whole bunch of stuff being named by others, in particular that pesky troublemaker Tommy Terrier. Like Tommy really named the “Rocky Mountains, the Badlands, the Grand Canyon, Harney Peak, Paradise Valley, Tornadoes” and a lot of other things. Ford has taken some serious liberties in assigning credit for the naming of some of our most sacred places. I know darn well I mentioned those places to him even before he left Fort Yankton and how I discovered each and every single one of those places.
Oh well, this tale does have some merit to it. At this point, the legal department at Hugo-Mart and Ford Beagle insist that I include this statement from Ford Beagle’s pal Dan Drotzman:
The names, characters and incidents in this work are either a product of my imagination or are used fictitiously. Not a single pup, pooch, mutt or purebred was actually killed in the writing of this tale.
There, I did what I
said I’d do. Just remember, I call them like I see them. Also, if
you can find it find it for less than I sell it for you really don’t